Realizing who you are after a Life Setback
The truth about getting your life together
I will break this article into three parts to talk about the cycles of being set back in our lives (rock bottom), experiencing some form of self-discovery, and then recovering only to realize who you are. Being set back involves trauma, distraction, losing yourself, and then learning to get out of your situation or cope with the things that have hurt you. The evolution of self is a never-ending process. Eventually, every person will experience a loss, difficulty, complication, or problem. It’s a harsh reality, but the best part is that feeling defeated will always be temporary.
What is a setback?
A setback is an event that delays your progress or reverses some of the progress that you have made toward your goals.
The definition of setback can be expanded in many instances. Whether you stopped going to the gym, failed to work on your craft every day, going over your monthly budget, spent hours online, or did not write a daily to-do list for weeks at a time. A setback can be anything that causes you to take a detour from your purpose. Meaning your plan will take longer than initially desired. For example, instead of 6 months, it may take nine months or a year.
Rock Bottom
When something hits rock bottom, it cannot go any lower.
It’s the feeling of working extremely hard and being on a natural high, and suddenly something terrible happens where it seems like the world is crashing down on you — in other words, falling into depression.
Things will be going so well, and then there’s one thing that happens or some self-sabotage that takes place, ultimately making you not accomplish your goals. I’m not too fond of that feeling. Sometimes the surface is staying in bed for days or having an unbalanced diet. But it feels like things can’t get any worse.
Whenever I feel like that, I have to remind myself that it’s nothing personal and everyone has issues when it comes down to it. It’s all in your head sometimes, and you don’t even realize it. The best thing to do is not feel sorry for yourself and use the feeling of anger and disappointment to fuel energy. I, too, am a victim of self-sabotage, depression, and setting myself back subconsciously. And those all feel like rock bottom to me.
Once I realized I had hit rock bottom, I first thought about healthy habits. I could start practicing ASAP, and the first thing I did was get a gym membership. Honestly, it has been the best thing to ever happen to me because, this time, I was doing this with purpose. The goal is to improve my mental health, body, and lifestyle.
I’ve been working out consistently for a while, and I’m seeing the best improvements in not only my mind but my body.
Remember that depression is temporary, and the best way to dig yourself out of that hole is to focus on everything that makes you happy instead of sad. Things like reading, drawing, getting active or starting a business or side gig.
My first Youtube video is about getting rid of anxiety, I’d love for you to watch it.
Relearning Yourself
After a depression period, the next step is always soul searching. Figuring out who you are in the moment and where you’re going. Humans are forever evolving, so we all know you’re not going to be the same person in a year.
The realization that you’ve hit rock bottom can mess with your mind and self-esteem, especially if you preach positivity like me. We all have our moments where we’re down and out.
While some people can bounce back after facing disappointments, others are not. People who can find ways to move forward are likely aware that such disappointments do not last. Once you realize you won’t feel disappointed forever, it’s easy to move past the rut and keep pushing.
The truth is that no one is perfect.
It is okay not to have it together all the time. It’s best to allow yourself to feel all the motions before you put it in drive and dig yourself out of the negative feelings you’re carrying.
Self-exploration after being set back is essential. Because then you have to figure out where things when wrong and how to build from where you are.
Rebuilding your life is complex, but the results are beautiful. You reinvent yourself, find new things that make you happy, and have more insight from taking the time to rebuild your identity.
Recovering from a significant life event thrown you off your game can feel like a never-ending cycle. What keeps me going is that you can start over and reinvent yourself as often as you need. I use myself as an example every day because my adult life is beginning to look completely different than the environment I grew up in as a kid. I think I’ve reinvented myself at least twice, and I’m currently undergoing another self-reinvention. You can change too.
Run Your Own Race
Know that everyone’s journey is different
I’ve been freaking out these last few months about all the changes in my life and viewed them as setbacks, but if we’re being honest, they’re just parts of my journey that are inevitable and bound to happen either way.
My favorite success stories are often the ones where the person didn’t become successful until later in their twenties or thirties. For example, Steve Harvey didn’t touch large amounts of money until he was thirty.
I, along with the rest of Gen Z, expect to see the fruits of our labor after the first day of work. And it never works like that unless it happens unexpectedly (i.e., becoming viral or inheriting a lump).
Another example is Issa Rae, who is a massive inspiration of mine. Her journey began on Youtube, where she would write hilarious skits about being an awkward black girl.
Vera Wang didn’t start designing dresses until she was in her forties. Other honorable mentions are Betty White, Oprah, and Samuel L. Jackson. The people I named didn’t become well known until later in life. The best thing to do is to focus on your lane and learn to run your race.
After all, this is a never-ending cycle of finding and losing yourself throughout your life.
Everything will work out as it needs to.
With Warmth,
Sunny Jae
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