Stop Explaining Yourself
You don’t have to
I want to discuss the art of not explaining yourself. Today’s society has changed communication entirely, some good, some bad. The art of keeping your privacy and saying less isn’t typical these days. These days it’s easy to be forced into answering questions or speaking on things you don’t want to. For example, in modern-day pop culture, artists are expected to explain why they do something, and they don’t have to. I feel like this is why people are so obsessed with Beyonce and other public figures who keep their thoughts and reasoning to themselves and speak through their art.
Boundaries
Keeping boundaries enhances your level of self-respect. I’m learning the more you say no to doing things you don’t want to makes it so much easier to manage your time and not feel the need to explain why you don’t want to do it to whomever.
Setting boundaries is an incredible way to trust your intuition and know when you should/shouldn’t do something, go somewhere, etc. Trusting your gut helps you connect your mind and body. Boundary setting is a practice you get better at over time; it’s not something you do. This ties into not explaining anything because once you learn a boundary, it’s easy to trust yourself in what you say and do.
In this article, I will dive a little further into the art of not explaining yourself to anyone if you don’t want to. I know this sounds mean at first, but it’s repulsive to EXPECT someone to do anything if you think more into it. I often remind myself not to have any expectations because this leads to discontentment. Everyone (including you) has their reason for doing things, and no one is obligated to explain. I believe once you stop presenting yourself, you subconsciously stop living in fear.
High hopes, no expectations
Now that I’ve talked about boundaries, I will break this down into four sections; society, communication, minimalism, and the opposing perspective. In this article, I don’t want to make it seem like there are never situations you should not explain because there are. I’m suggesting how wise you should choose your words and how you go about different social obstacles.
Society
It’s common to wonder what other people may think of you, which influences your decision or makes confident choices based on how you think you will be perceived. There are also plenty of other examples like artists/influencers explaining themselves after making a mistake. Why do we feel the need to explain? You mask your authentic self by constantly explaining yourself and might have a stricter time trusting yourself. The best part about art is letting people look at it from their point of view, and I like to apply it to life.
Communication
Communication is related to every human activity, so it’s crucial to have good communication skills. Communication is a skill that can get you very far in life if you play your cards right. Choosing not to explain yourself doesn’t have to be as rude as it sounds. You can say no or find ways to decline respectfully. I understand that the pandemic and other current social events have changed how we interact. It seems like people are learning how to respect our boundaries more every day, which is beautiful to see. I’m beyond glad mental wellness has become a phenomenon in our day and age, so I feel like now is a great time to learn more about ourselves and our minds open and our hearts pure. Everyone doesn’t think or communicate the same, which is another conversation about communication. However, for the sake of this article, we’re going to stick to choosing not to explain any given subject further.
Here are some examples of not explaining:
- I appreciate your interest, but I won’t be sharing any further.
- Say no whenever you feel like it. It’s a complete sentence, and you don’t have to explain why. If you’re not polite about it, I’m sure the other party will understand out of mere respect for you. If they don’t, I guess it’s time to remove yourself from the conversation, so you’re not pressured into further explanation. Boundaries.
- Thank you so much for asking, but I’m not comfortable with sharing more information.
Listen more than you speak. Asking questions and active listening is the perfect way to get to know someone and leaves you with more room to analyze. When you let people talk, they become comfortable with you.
“Some things in life are too complicated to explain in any language.”
― Haruki Murakami
Less Is More
Minimalism is the perfect example of “less is more,” as architect Ludwig Mies van der Rohe first coined.
It’s nice when things aren’t overbearing, especially when things like a conversation.
When you say less and let your actions speak for you, people will catch on to that and cling to your energy. They’re going to be curious about who you are naturally, so don’t over-explain. I’m learning this myself, I’m in the crowd too.
People thought Albert Einstein was crazy, but he was a genius. There’s no reason to constantly explain yourself because it can be easy to talk in circles, which causes more disengagement than anything. Who would want to be that person that talks too much? I feel like, after grade school, a person who over explains or overshares is distasteful. You can over share parts of yourself without doing too much, but it’s all about how you do it. That’s a learned art. Everyone has their views, and that’s okay. Learning the art of not explaining yourself is a form of self-love. You know a lot by saying less. Less is more.
“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”
- Albert Einstein
When the Tables Are Turned
I wanted to remind you that the tables do turn eventually, and the shoe will be on the other foot at some point. The saying “treat people how you would like to be treated” never goes out of style because it works both ways. Meaning, don’t bully someone into sharing more than they’re comfortable with sharing in the first place. It’s easy to accidentally overstep someone’s boundaries which is why they may have trouble respecting yours. You don’t have to explain yourself, but remember not to expect others to do that.
Conclusion
Over-explaining yourself takes away from your value.
When you explain yourself, you permit someone else to validate your self-worth. Unless you’ve committed a crime or have a set of duties you are paid to do, there is no reason you need to be explaining yourself to anyone.
Every day I am learning and working on within myself because I still feel the need to explain why I did something or how, when in fact, I don’t have to.
Do you over explain? I’d love to hear other perspectives.
Always,
Sunny
